Like I'm Gonna Lose You
by brknshdws
Summary: Based on the song, Like I'm Gonna Lose You, it tells the story of Camren and the things they've done their ladt moment.


**"I found myself dreaming, in silver and gold. Like a scene from a movie, that every broken heart knows. We were walking on moonlight and you pulled me close,"** I sang out into the mic in my hand, feeling the song deep in my bones and pushing it back out into the next line of lyrics that followed. **"Split second and you disappeared and then I was alone."**

 _"Would you marry me if I asked you to right now? Would you say yes? Because I don't want to lose you. I want to love you like I'm going to lose you in the next second. I don't want to waste no more time with these small moments, I want to take you into forever with me, no matter how short it could be."_

 _I waited, waited for her response. Nothing came. Maybe we were out of time. Maybe I was too late and our forever was over. It was no one's fault, but it was not what I wanted, not what I had expected so soon. It was too soon in my book._

 _What if I was too late? What if this was all my fault?_

 _I hung my head, deep sadness filling up my chest, like I was congested and could not breathe right anymore._

 _"Please say yes. Just, please..." I sobbed quietly. "I want to keep loving you like tomorrow will be the last day, like tonight was the last hours we had together. I can't just yet, let go."_

 **"Woke up in tears, with you by my side. Breath of relief, and I realized. No, we're not promised tomorrow."**

I felt my tears start to flow down my cheeks, my thoughts lost in the irony of the song I was singing.

I let my body sway to the rhythm of the music, trying to keep calm so I would not start to lose my voice mid lyric. I thought back to the memories, to everything. I just kept my mind busy on other things, to stop myself from falling into sobs instead of the silent tears that fell down my cheeks and not my shirt.

 _"Babe, please stop, you know how much I hate being tickled," I yelped as she attacked my sides again. I managed to get her lips close to mine, for a quick kiss, and that stopped her attack on me. I ran away as soon as she stopped and hid away in the bathroom. It was my hiding spot when she started these random attacks on my sides._

 _"Not fair! You can't use kissing to stop me from tickling you! Just for that I am going to tickle you even more when you come out of that bathroom." I could hear her stomp over to where I was and wait outside the door. I chuckled, because I knew how easy it would be to get out of this._

 _"If I promise to give you several long sweet kisses, can we call a truce?"_

 _I could hear her thinking through the door. She was that loud that I could hear her thinking hard. But everyone knew, that she didn't really think that hard as she already had an answer as soon as something was asked of her._

 _"How long would these kisses be?"_

 _"As long as you want them."_

 _"So they can be as long as a day?"_

 _"If that is what you want. But you might want to re-think that because you know, we need to breathe and stuff."_

 _"Alright, truce. No more tickling." I opened the door and found her holding her hands up in compliance with the terms and conditions of the truce called._

 _I cracked a small smile, happy to know that the outcome was always the same. It could get routine with us in the things we did, but it never got old; calling the truce and kissing her like it was our last kiss, feeling everything from my head all the way down to my toes._

 _I ran out the bathroom, jumping into her arms, so we could get started on the truce agreement. I wanted to feel our kisses from the top of my head to my toes. I didn't want to waste our time, I didn't want to waste whatever time was given to us. That was my thing, to take advantage of our time, whatever time the universe decided was for us._

 **"So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna hold you, like I'm saying goodbye. Wherever we're standing, I wont take you for granted. Because we'll never know it, when we'll run out of time."**

I just wanted to break down, the lyrics hitting so close to home, breaking me ever so softly down to my core. It was crazy how much this song spoke volumes of the love we shared. We live it just like this, kissing like it is the last time, saying goodbye, like I will never see her again; whispering sweet nothings in the dark.

This song told our story, our simple but sweet story.

 _"Do you ever wonder about the future?" She asked me one day as we were lazing around in our room. We were both reading a book, her head in my lap and I sat against our headboard._

 _"Not really. Why?"_

 _"Don't you ever think of what you want for us or if you see a future of us?" She looked at me, her eyes full of insecurity at my question of why._

 _I had asked her that, because honestly, I didn't think of the future and did not see the need to. All that mattered was what we could get in the time that was allowed to us. We didn't know what could happen in the new few minutes, least of all what would happen 10-50 years from now._

 _"I don't think about that." I saw the light die a little in her eyes. "But don't take it in a wrong way. I just... How do I explain this to you?" I tried to form some sentences that would explain what I meant. "Okay, do you remember when we met?"_

 _She nodded at me, the insecurity still in her eyes, but waiting patiently for what I had to say. The great thing about us, was that we could be patient and allow the other explain and be honest about their opinions and thoughts._

 _"You remember the song we were paired up to sing together?"_

 _She smiled at me. "How could I forget? It was the reason I decided to try to hook up with you. That didn't work out the way I wanted by the way. You saw through me quick and stopped me before I could even hint at it."_

 _I laughed, remembering how she had tried to be smooth with me._

 _"Well, that song, that's what I live by. I kiss you like I'm not gonna see you again, like you'll be gone. I hold you so tight as if I was saying goodbye to you for the last time. I feel the need to take advantage of what we are given, cherish these moments versus thinking of the future. Because honestly, knowing that I got this time with you, with all these memories that we've shared, is ten times better than 10-50 years with you with a memory here and there. We never know what tomorrow will bring and if it will allow us to be together forever._

 _"Knock on wood that something should happen, but I will cherish every single moment we had. I will never forget, never let myself forget these little moments."_

 _I saw as the insecurity disappeared from her eyes and the love she had for me grow and turn her eyes into a lighter shade of color._

 _"Every single time. Every single time you get me right here," she said touching her heart softly. "And every single time, I love you just a little more. I fucking love you. Don't you ever forget that. And I will live these moments with you to the fullest so we always have them imprinted in our memories."_

 _"Just kiss me already, woman." I said, my heart racing, beating against my chest as it was going to pop out and fly away into the sunset, happily ever after, as if this was a fairytale. It was far from it, but it was my own kind of fairytale, that was for sure._

 _I leaned down into her, pushing our books off the bed, forgotten for the moment. The only thing I wanted was her lips and what they would allow me to feel. This was my safety, keeping me warm at night. This was reality and it was beautiful._

 _I heard her moan as she pushed up against me, trying to get up from where she was laying. I'm sure she wanted to take over this moment, just like she always wanted to when it came to sex. But this time, I would surprise her and be the dominant one._

 _I pushed her back down and slid my tongue, deep into her mouth, showing that I wanted to be dominant this time. Her back arched and she pulled me closer, understanding what I was trying to do._

 _I pulled away from her quickly, trying to adjust myself to be on top._

 _I looked at her. She looked so fucking sexy. Her hair was in a complete mess and her lips were swollen from my kisses and the dominance I was trying to display._

 _If I was lucky enough to wake up every morning to her face, and taste her, should I be so lucky, then I would never want to wake up. But if I did not get the chance, I knew this moment would be so ingrained into my brain, I would never ever forget the way she looked; like a beautiful hot mess, dark lust filled eyes, daring me to continue what I had started._

 _I would gladly take her dare and continue on, for this was a moment I wanted to remember years to come._

 **"So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you."**

 _Somehow Ally had dragged me to karaoke night at Cal's, a local club that a lot of the music students frequented from Hayworth University. This is where all of us musicians came to show off our new songs and compete against one another._

 _I had never been a big fan, but I had come here once in a awhile when I had been forced by Ally. The little one had a mean voice when it came to singing and hadn't ever hesitated to participate when karaoke nights came around._

 _"Have I told you how much I don't like karaoke nights?" I stated once more as we sat at our table, watching person after person go on the stage and perform._

 _"Oh, hush. I only think you don't like it because you secretly want to perform, but are too insecure to sing a song, even though you have a very unique voice which I want insanely jealous of."_

 _She was too right sometimes and it was scary. I was afraid to get onto the stage, because I was afraid people would boo me off of it. It made no sense since I was majoring in music, but hey, everyone had a fear, right?_

 _Thomas, a kid in my composition class had just finished singing "All of Me", by John Legend. He was pretty good, not gonna lie. The crowd went a little crazy after his performance._

 _"Alright, ladies and gents. Next up, we have a duet. It seems like they will be singing Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor. Please welcome to the stage for the first time Lauren Jauregui and Camila Cabello!" The crowd in the bar, applauded loudly, as I had my jaw opened, wide in shock._

 _Ally had the biggest smile on her face, happy that she had caught me off guard tonight. She had been trying since our freshman year of college to get me up on the stage and she had finally succeeded because I had nowhere to run since they had called my name._

 _I gulped hard and made my way up to the stage, contemplating how I was going to kill Ally while she slept. Not only had she got me up here, but she had also partnered me up with another girl to sing this song._

 _I went to grab a mic off the music stand they had set up there. As I reached my hand around it, another hand appeared and touched mine, sending little shocks and shivers down my spine. My eyes locked onto the person to which the hand belonged to._

 _I was stunned, for the first time in my life. Those eyes, they just pierced through you, and they were causing me to experience so many emotions at the same time._

 _"Hi," she said. "I didn't realize this mic was taken. Sorry." She flashed me some pearly whites before letting go of my hand._

 _I was a little disappointment, but with the way she had looked at me and the image she portrayed, it seemed like she was the type of girl to just want a one night stand. That is if she was into girls and if she was, she was definitely not my type. I didn't do one night stands._

 _I looked away from the girl and looked at Ally one last time as Cal, the owner of the bar tried to get our attention since the song didn't have a musical intro. It just went straight to it._

 _I noticed that Ally had moved and was sitting next to two other girls, and they seemed to be looking at me and the other girl with big bright smiles._

 _Oh hell no. She did not just try to set me up with this girl. Did she not remember the last time I had been with a girl like this? All this girl was trouble and I was going to give Ally a piece of my mind once I was done singing._

 _"If you girls are ready," Cal said. I turned to look at him, nodding my head once at him. The other girl did the same._

 _"You first, gorgeous," she said to me, right before Cal started the song._

 _I gulped, nervous as fuck, my fear taking over for a moment. Of course I had to go first. Just great._

 _"I found myself dreaming, in silver and gold." My voice was a little shaky at the start, but noticing that no one had booed me off and that Ally was giving me a thumbs up, I continued. "Like a scene from a movie, that every broken heart knows. We were walking on moonlight and you pulled me close. Split second and you disappeared and then I was alone. Woke up in tears, with you by my side. Breath of relief, and I realized. No, we're not promised tomorrow." I sang out, immersing myself into the song finally. I turned to look at this beautiful girl next to me, and she seemed in a trance. She stared at me openly. Had she been staring at me the whole time?_

 _Every time I sang anything, I loved to feel the song inside me. It made it that much more special to me and made me sing my hardest. So that made me look at the crowd, to test the waters, so to speak._

 _From the few claps and whistles from the crowd, it pleased me to know that my fear had been invalid. It only fueled me to sing my best for the chorus._

 _"So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna hold you, like I'm saying goodbye. Wherever we're standing, I won't take you for granted. Because we'll never know it, when we'll run out of time. So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you."_

 _More cheers could be heard, but not too loud to drown out the other girl's voice as she started to sing the next verse of the song, singing John Legend's part._

 _"In a blink of an eye, just a whisper of smoke. You could lose everything. The truth is you never know. So I'll kiss you longer baby, any chance that I get. I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets. Let's take our time, to say what we want."_

 _"Say what we want," I echoed her._

 _"Use what we got, before it's all gone."_

 _"All gone."_

 _" 'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow." She finished off the verse. I must say, she had a fine ass voice, just as fine as she was, which only made my emotions from earlier stir a little._

 _I had stared at her the whole time she had been singing, because who could not stare at her. I'm pretty sure everyone had been staring at her as well. She made her presence known when she sang. She didn't put it out lightly. She was a full blown tornado, taking you by storm, the moment she opened her mouth and let the lyrics roll off her tongue._

 _"So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna hold you, like I'm saying goodbye. Wherever we're standing, I won't take you for granted. Because we'll never know it, when we'll run out of time. So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you." We sang it together, harmonizing._

 _The whole chorus, we had stared at each other, gauging the other for the song. The more chemistry there was during a duet, the better it made the song. Don't ask me why, but it was true. And if the people singing even had a little bit of chemistry, well then, you should expect to want to have your jaw hanging open at the end of the song or worse, screaming you wanted to have their baby, if the chemistry was intense._

 _All I could say, was 'Oh, boy', as our chemistry was definitely there and we were definitely bathing in it. If I did one night stands, for sure I would love to experience this chemistry for the night._

 _This was the intermission of the song, the instrumental break before we went back into the chorus one last time._

 _I'm pretty sure neither one of us had expected to give everyone a show, but it was something, let me tell you._

 _I counted the last four of the last measure before going back into the chorus, nice and slow._

 _"So I'm gonna love you."_

 _"Oh."_

 _"Like I'm gonna lose you."_

 _"Like I'm gonna lose you." She echoed._

 _"I'm gonna hold you, like I'm saying goodbye. Wherever we're standing, I won't take you for granted. Because we'll never know it, when we'll run out of time. So I'm gonna love you."_

 _"I'm gonna love you."_

 _"Like I'm gonna lose you."_

 _"Like I'm gonna lose you."_

 _"I'm gonna love you."_

 _"Ah, oh." I stared into her eyes for the last line of the song._

 _"Like I'm gonna lose you..."_

 _My heart was beating so hard in my chest and I was having a hard time getting enough air into my lungs. The crowd was going crazy around us, but all I could focus on was her. I drowned everyone out as I listened to my heartbeat. She was part of the reason why my heart could not slow down. Why did she make me feel like this? I had never seen her before in my life. She had not been in 10 minutes ago. So why now? Why did she matter so much to me already?_

 _I shook myself out of the trance, grabbed her hand and we took a bow, while the crowd was going crazy. I looked at her one last time before pushing my way through the people crowded around the stage._

 _Cal talked over the crowd as I made my way from the stage._

 _"That was something, wouldn't you all agree? I hope to hear from them again next week."_

 _I smiled to myself when I heard that because I knew, for sure he would hear from me again. Don't know if it would be next week, but it would definitely be when I got the nerves to sing an original of mine. I just needed to find some of my class mates to back me up instrumentally._

 _"Hey," I felt someone touch my arm soft. I whipped around fast, ready to defend myself against some guy._

 _"Woah, there. I didn't mean to startle you." She held her hands up in surrender, in precaution. "I just wanted to say that we we're good up there, don't you think?" It was that girl. There goes my heart beat, not forgetting the moment we had shared when the song had ended._

 _"Sorry. Yeah, maybe, a little." I didn't want her to know that it had been more than good._

 _She looked at me funny for a second and I could see the split second when she decided to turn on her charm on me._

 _"Listen-"_

 _"Wait." I said, cutting her off before she suggested anything secual to me. "Before you say anything else, I just want to tell you now that I don't do one night stands and your advances will not be welcome. And also, to tell you that my friend Ally and some other girls I don't know, tried to set us up tonight by secretly signing us both up to sing a duet. But it did not work. So if what you were about to tell me was to leave with you or anything remotely sexual where we end up naked at your dorm or mine, I don't want to hear it._

 _"It was good the duet, but that's all for me. So, if you'll excuse me, I have to go study for an exam tomorrow." I turned on my heel and tried to escape her presence before we did what I had shut down so quickly._

 _Oh boy, Ally was so dead._

 **"In a blink of an eye, just a whisper of smoke. You could lose everything. The truth is you never know."**

 _"I don't see why you won't go out with her and have some fun," Ally stated to me. She had been bugging me about it all week, since she saw me shut that girl down. I was still pissed at her about setting me up by signing me up to sing karaoke. Sneaky, sneaky, woman._

 _"Because the last time I had fun, I ended up with my heart broken. Because the girl you set me up with, only wanted sex from me and moved on when she saw someone better. You remember?"_

 _Ally looked sheepishly at me. "Sorry about that. I didn't know Lara was that type of person. She had seem so sweet and innocent in class, whenever we spoke."_

 _"A snake in the grass. I've been bitten once, not gonna let it happen again. The girl only had one thing on her mind and that was me in a compromising position for the night. Nothing more was going to happen, no relationship status coming out of that."_

 _We were in my parent's kitchen, and I was making some breakfast for us. We had gone to a concert for the weekend and decided to stay at my parents so we wouldn't have to drive back so late._

 _"But Dinah and Normani said she was looking to settle down."_

 _I rolled my eyes, and flipped the omelette in the pan in front of me. She was lucky I didn't flip it on her, just for trying to set me up with another person like Lara._

 _"I don't care what other people say, what matters is that person's intentions, not what everyone else says about them. And anyway, you didn't see the way she was looking at me. She looked like she was going to eat me up right then and there." I put on a horrified face, but deep down, I knew that would have been some down right dirty sex._

 _"I thought you liked to eat out." I had been in the middle of putting tomatoes, feta cheese, sausage links and avocado in her omelette when she threw that curveball at me._

 _My eyes went wide, surprised at what Ally had just said. Good Lord, this woman was more of a perv than me._

 _"Morning girls." I gulped at the sound of my mom's voice. Man that would have been awkward as hell if my mom had heard what Ally had said._

 _"Hi, momma." I said, as I kissed her cheek softly, letting my eyes readjust themselves back into their sockets. " Do you want an omelette? I know how much you like them." I flipped Ally's omelette one last time to make sure it was cooked fully and put it on a plate for her._

 _"That would be great." She smiled at me and sat down at the table, next to Ally. "So what was this eating out thing I heard?"_

 _I groaned out load, more embarrassed than anything. I did not want to explain to my mom how that circled back to lesbian innuendos._

 _I slide the plate over to Ally, giving her a pointed look for even mentioning that._

 _"Momma, you don't want to know. Ally was being inappropriate when she said that. Way too inappropriate to explain." I went back to the pan and started on my mom's omelette, pouring the egg batter into the hot pan._

 _"Well honey, you do like to eat out." Horrified, I turned to look at my mom. What did she just say? I reached for the handle of the pan blindly, so it would not burn as I stared at my mom._

 _I yelped a little, as I had burned myself from touching hot metal. Motherfucker. I grabbed my hand._

 _I saw Ally and my mom high-five and laughed at me from my clumsiness. Then she proceeded to wink at me. Who was this woman? This was not my mother. She had never been this inappropriate with me before._

 _"Oh don't look at me like I have never been your age. I remember what used to be said in my time and it seems like it hasn't changed."_

 _I had my hand in my mouth, trying to make the burning sensation go away. This was not fair, they had teamed up against me._

 _"Now if only she would go out with the girl I set her up with the other day, then she could dine at the Y."_

 _"I already told you Ally, I am not going to go out with her." I stated, a little more annoyed than before. My hand was hurting a bit and I was tired of having this conversation with her. I turned back to my cooking and tried to continue making my mom's omelette._

 _"Why won't you go out with the girl Ally is trying to set you up? You haven't been out on a date in forever. Don't go around being a prune. Live a little. You're young and have a lot to live for still."_

 _"Momma, this girl, all she wants is to eat out. I knew it when I saw her. The last time I did that, I ended up hurt. I don't like that. I want a relationship, something a little more serious. I'm almost done with college. I need to start thinking of my future."_

 _I flipped the omelette around and then added in the same I did for Ally's._

 _"Mija," she said._

 _I sighed, knowing what was coming from her. She was going to lecture me about enjoying myself before entering the real world after college. I did enjoy myself. I had last night when Ally and I had gone to the 1975 concert. It had been amazing and I couldn't have enjoyed myself anymore than last night. I had been like a little girl listening to them sing._

 _"You're going to become an old maid overnight if you don't have some fun. I don't want you to end up regretting not enjoying your life now. You have plenty of time to think out your future."_

 _I rolled my eyes again, knowing that she couldn't see me do it._

 _"And don't roll your eyes at me. You know I'm right."_

 _"How do you always know when I roll my eyes?" I asked, flipping the omelette to check to make sure it was fully cooked_

 _"I'm your momma."_

 _"You always say that, but it doesn't explain anything." I said. I went to turn off the burner and to not give myself another incident and burn myself somehow._

 _"It explains everything. I'm your mother. I know when you do anything." I put my momma's omelette on plate and put it in front of her. I grabbed a coffee cup and filled it up for her._

 _"I just don't want my heart to get broken again," I said sincerely. I was afraid to put it all out there to just have it stomped on again. It had been pretty painful last time that had happened. I did not leave the dorm room for 3 days, not even for class._

 _"Then don't put all of yourself out there." Ally chimed in. "I'm sorry, but you need to realize that you did something wrong too. Just go out, enjoy it, and if nothing else goes from there, then move on."_

 _"Promise us you'll go out on one date with this girl. Just one date, mija," my mom pleaded with me. I'm pretty sure the only reason she wanted me to go out with this girl was so I could possibly fall in love and then have babies so she could have grandchildren. My siblings were not close to being at an age to be married._

 _They were right, but I wanted to be stubborn. I wanted to ignore their request but when it involved my mom, I had no choice but to agree to the matter._

 _"Okay, but there will be no eating out."_

 _They high-fived again, and hollering 'Yay' at my agreement._

 _They both proceeded to eat the omelettes I had made once they had finished celebrating their triumph over me._

 _"I hope you enjoy the last meal I am ever gonna cook for you guys if this doesn't work out and she strings me along until I decide I want to eat out."_

 _"Ah, mija. Stop being so negative. You'll be fine."_

 _Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be fine, they say. That was for now until things ended up in a million pieces at my feet. Then they'll still say I'll be fine._

 _I sat down and enjoyed my cup of coffee, while I could still enjoy things._

 **"So I'll kiss you longer baby, any chance that I get. I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets."**

 _I had been nervous all day, my stomach was in knots. When we got back to campus on Sunday, Ally had gone to talk to that girl's friends and had put together our blind date for Friday. I had been fine on Monday and progressively into Tuesday, but by Wednesday, I had started to worry and my stomach had turned into knots. Today was Friday._

 _"You need to relax or you're gonna give yourself a panic attack and ruin your first date."_

 _"I," I gasped, "do.. not.. care.. becasue.. I.. would.. have.. at.. least.. completed.. my.. end.. of.. the.. bargain.. with.. you.. and.. my.. mom."_

 _She walked over to me, shaking her manicured finger at me._

 _"Oh, no, no, no. That is not how this works. You are going relax and start breathing right because I want to have details of tonight. I am living vicariously through you for the moment since Troy is away on a business trip."_

 _I took a deep breath before arguing with her and her assumptions._

 _"I am not going to entertain your pervertedness. That is why you are with Troy so he can give you all the sex you want. He is the only one who can handle your high demand because he is just as bad as you. I cannot begin to count the multiple times I have caught you and Troy on the couch, sharing more than I ever wanted to see or hear from you or him."_

 _She gave me the puppy dog look bringing it on full force. Her eyes were big and she pouted extra hard to get me to appeal, but it was not going to work._

 _"Nope, not this time Allycat. I am keeping these details to myself if anything happens tonight. Not that anything will happen."_

 _There was a knock on the dorm door and I said a quick 'thank you' to God, for allowing my date to get here in time to stop the waterworks from Ally._

 _"Be right there." I yelled out. "I will be back before midnight. I highly doubt I will not come home, but if I plan not to, I will call you." She looked like she was about to say something else, but I quickly cut her off before she could say something else. "I can't leave her standing at the door much longer. I will see you later. Goodnight."_

 _I quickly escaped from the dorm, closing the door promptly behind me, just as fast I had opened it._

 _I wiped my brow, happy to be gone from Ally, but remembering that the girl had been on the other side of the door, for which now I was too._

 _She stood in front of me, a smirk on her face. She was dressed nice. Dark jeans spanned across her long legs, white sneakers and a white dress shirt, rolled up to her elbows finished her attire. She wore her dark brown hair down, in waves around her shoulders, cascading down her back._

 _I wore white jeans, with some boots, a v-neck and a cardigan. I wasn't sure how to dress tonight, but I was glad that I hadn't overdressed or underdressed for the date._

 _"You look amazing," she said, her voice soft and surprised._

 _"Thanks. You look good yourself." I half-whispered._

 _There it was again, the same look she had given me when we first met, piercing eyes and a pearly white smile, giving me all these emotions. All these emotions just created this huge wave a of chemistry between us, almost suffocating me, but in a good way. I hadn't felt like this in forever._

 _She leaned in a little to me, licked her lips and said, "Listen, about the other night. I want to apologize about what I was going to do. I just couldn't help myself. Honestly. I am not bullshitting you right now and I just want you to know that no one has ever ripped me a new one like you did."_

 _I smiled, surprised that she was being honest. You could hear it in her voice._

 _"Not gonna lie, I kind of enjoyed it."_

 _She laughed and it all kinds of sexy. It was raspy and throaty at the same time, sending shivers down my back._

 _"Can we start over again?" She asked. She stepped back from me a little, giving me space._

 _"Sure, it's nice to meet you." I put my hand out for a handshake._

 _"It's nice to meet you too." She took my hand in hers and shook it firmly. Then leaned in closer and kissed my cheek._

 _My natural response was to touch my cheek after she had kissed it. It felt like an electric shock went through my body when her lips brushed against my cheek. I blushed, embarrassed that I had done that._

 _"So," I said, clearing my throat and pushed myself away from the door. "Where are we headed to?"_

 _"It's a surprise." She looked at her watch and frowned. "Which we are going to be late to, if we don't leave right now. Come on." She looked like she had wanted to grab my hand, but thought better of it at the last second._

 _She walked off and I trailed behind her, curious as to where we were going and what she had planned._

 _"So I am not going to get even one hint as to where you are taking me?"_

 _"Nope, you'll just have to wait and see. I just hope you like it." She turned around and gave me a toothy smile._

 _"I don't know. I'm kinda a tough cookie to crack sometimes." I joked._

 _"I guess I'll have to get a cookie cracker." She joked back. She groaned then and went on to say, "Man, that was the worst joke I've ever come up with."_

 _I laughed. It was pretty corny, but to a certain extent, it was funny._

 _"Don't sell yourself short. Lame jokes can be funny sometimes." I looked up and saw she had walked us to the football field, where it was not so bright anymore._

 _"What are we doing here?" I asked, stepping ahead of her, trying to glimpse whatever she had planned for tonight._

 _"Well why don't you follow me and we'll see together?" She held her hand out and I hesitated just a second on whether that was a good idea or not. Oh what the hell... I gripped onto her hand and held it loosely in mine._

 _She smiled at me and pulled me to the middle of the field, walking at a stable pace._

 _I liked this, it was nice. No one had taken me on a date to the football field. It was very nice to not have to worry that my date was a moron when you realized they were not taking you somewhere inappropriately for a date. Just saying, a porn theater is not the best way to make a great first impression._

 _She suddenly stopped and I kinda crashed into her. It gave me a moment to smell her and she smelled really good, lavender and vanilla. But then I realized it was a bad first impression to be smelling my date like this. I pulled away and gave her a confused look._

 _She was on the phone, talking to someone. Well that was rude._

 _"Can you send down the basket and in about 10 minutes and kill the lights for the rest of the night please? Thanks Dinah. I'll see you tomorrow. No I am not going to be doing the nasty tonight with her or any other night in the foreseeable future, unless she starts it. I have learned my lesson with her." I saw her bite her lip, as she listened to what the other person had to say. "Just because you give me details of your sex life with Siope, which by the way I never said I wanted to hear them, does not mean I have to share all of the details of my sex life of whoever I sleep with, with you."_

 _She bit her lip again and I saw her roll her eyes._

 _"You said you would help me with this willing. There were never any terms and conditions set when you willingly stated you would help me fix this. Now before you ruin my date, I have to go. Just please, do what you agreed to do. Goodnight. I will see you tomorrow. Thanks again." She pulled the phone away from her face and clicked the On / Off button to turn off the screen. She put it in her pocket and turned to look at me._

 _"Sorry about that. Sometimes, she's too good for her own good. But yeah, I think you should enjoy this date." As she said that, a picnic basket appeared in front of us and a blanket. She grabbed the blanket, spread it out and placed the basket on top. She sat down on one side and nodded for me to sit down on the other side of her._

 _I slowly sat down, getting comfortable on the blanket._

 _"So, I had to ask a little birdy to ask another little birdy what your favorite foods are and I really do hope you like it." She opened the basket and took out pizza and a couple of cokes._

 _Pizza was always my go to food and I was glad Ally had spilled the beans. I hadn't had pizza in a while._

 _"Thanks, " I said as she handed me a paper plate and a slice a pizza on it. I took a bite and I swear I almost moaned at the taste. Gosh damn, I had forgotten how good this stuff was._

 _"I was going to try my hand at cooking, but I ran out of time. I hope this will do."_

 _I swallowed the big bite I had taken and responded, "It's more than okay. I love eating a good slice of pizza."_

 _I took another big bite, enjoying the taste of cheese and pepperoni along with the tomato sauce and dough. Whoever thought of this, is one hell of a genius._

 _The little bit of lights that were lit in the field went out and caused me to yelp._

 _"It's okay. Don't freak out. I'm right here. Plus the light will come back on. It's my surprise for the evening."_

 _Just as she said that, a light did come back on, but it wasn't the lights that adorned the field. Instead there was a huge screen set up in front of us, and a movie had started playing._

 _I gasped when I realized that it was The Notebook. It was one of my favorite movies._

 _"I hope you don't mind this movie. It's one of my favorite and I thought I could share it would you."_

 _"Are you kidding me? I love this movie too. It was a great choice." I leaned over and kissed her cheek on impulse, so happy about getting pizza and getting to watch this movie on a big screen._

 _I pulled back quickly when I realized that I was being a little too affectionate with her. She was far from being my girlfriend, let alone friend._

 _"Sorry." I shied away from her, going back to eating my slice of pizza._

 _"I don't mind. No harm done." She gave me a gentle smile. "There's popcorn and some candy in the basket. Just grab some whenever you want." She laid a speaker in front of us which I guess was our surround sound for the movie._

 _The movie started off and I was pulled in. I sat there, eating another slice of pizza, not focused on what I was doing. All I could see on the screen was Noah and Allie, as they had the best love affair in the history of movies. It was something I desperately wanted._

 _I felt something poke me, but I ignored it, as I watched the part where Allie sat at the piano, remembering how to play again. Then the scene switched to Noah, where he was being checked by a doctor._

 _I was poked again, but I didn't care. This was my movie._

 _"Pssst!"_

 _"What?" I asked, finally realizing that she was trying to get my attention._

 _"Do you want some popcorn?" She asked, jiggling the bag of popcorn she had in offering to me._

 _"Sure, thanks." I reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn. I stuffed a few pieces into my mouth._

 _I was such a pig when it came to eating. I was surprised that I wasn't fat yet. But then again, I did keep myself somewhat active so, I guess it evened out._

 _I put my attention back onto the movie and my eyes did not leave the screen until it was over. I almost cried when they had died at the end. I was such a big softie. I wiped at my eyes just in case I had tears waiting to fall. They were sneaky bastards sometimes, attacking like ninjas when you thought everything was clear and safe._

 _"Did you enjoy it?" She asked me._

 _I smiled genuinely at her, really happy about this date so far. It was at the top of my favorite dates._

 _"I did. Thank you." I started to feel a little guilty of how I had treated her the other day, thinking that she had been only after my body for sex. "I want to say I am sorry for assuming you had only wanted to have sex with me. The just way you had been looking at me, I had the assumption that you were thinking of me naked and only that."_

 _"I wouldn't be saying sorry if I were you, because I really was thinking of you naked underneath me. I really did want sex from you."_

 _I lifted my eyebrows in surprise of what she had said. So I had been right and that is what she had wanted from me._

 _"I am not going to lie to you. I am that type of person. I want to be honest. So I have to admit that I was thinking of you tangled into me for a night. But things changed when we sang that song and the more of thought it, the more I just wanted to know you. I don't know where this is going right now, but I am willing to try dating for a change."_

 _I narrowed my eyes at her, debating my options and thinking through what she had said. Was she really being honest with me right now? If she hadn't been honest with me, she would have never admitted that she had wanted to have sex with me. She would have hidden that away to come out at a later time._

 _But what about this date, was she just trying to butter me up so she could still get sex out of me? That was the question of the hour, and I had no answer to it._

 _"How do I know that this whole date isn't for your advantage to get me to have sex with you and then you ignore me tomorrow after you got what you wanted? How do I know you really mean that you want to give dating a try?"_

 _"You don't know and I understand that you might not want to trust what I am saying, but I hope I can fix this, because I do want to try to date you. That is if you will let me."_

 _I studied her, biting my lip in the process to see if I could read her emotions and her expressions. Her pupils were normal and she was relaxed. Her breathing was even. I am sure if I put my ear to her chest, her heartbeat would be relaxed as well._

 _"I don't know because I've been here before and I am not about to say that what you're saying is the truth or a lie. I don'tknow you enough to say you're telling me a lie or not." I turned away. "I just hope I am not getting bitten again." I murmured, not really wanting to share that with her yet._

 _I laid down on the blanket and stared up into the sky contemplating if I was doing something right. Well, I wouldn't know if I ran away scared, would I?_

 _I felt her lay down next to me, putting enough space in between us._

 _"Am I really the first girl to reject you or 'rip you a new one'?" I asked her, still debating the whole thing about dating her._

 _Well yeah. I've never had a girl reject me."_

 _I snorted. "That's such a typical response for a 'player'."_

 _"But it's the truth. You're the only one who's evertold me no and I found it quite refreshing. I'm not here to bullshit you or pretend that I didn't try to just have a one night stand. You've made me see a different light to things. Singing with you the other night, I got see the side of something different. I fin youattractive not because of your looks but because you dazzled me with your voice. It was such an amazing experience."_

 _I was stunned and speechless. I had no words for her. When I didn't say anything, she continued talking._

 _"This will sound completely cliched, but you kinda made me stop and think for a moment when you turned me down. No one up to that point had ever turned me down. It left me intrigued, curious as to who you were and why you would turn me down. Then I began thinking that maybe I was in the wrong, that maybe I was the one who was just jumping the gun every time._

 _"Being here with you, is the best decision I've had in a while."_

 _I turned my head to stare at her. I had been doing that a lot tonight. I wasn't sure why, but it was like I had to check to make sure this was all real and to read her. I had to read what she was feeling and gain some ground here._

 _She looked somber, like she was contemplating as well. Maybe she was. I couldn't read minds so anything was possible._

 _I turned back and looked at the sky._

 _"How about you call me on Sunday morning, ask me what I'm doing and maybe we can go out for a lunch date?"_

 _I heard the smile in her voice as she spoke. "Sounds like a plan, Stan."_

 _"Stan? Who's Stan?" I asked her, curiosity laced in my voice._

 _"You've never heard of that expression?"_

 _"Nope."_

 _"I guess I'll have to educate you."_

 _"Sounds like a promise."_

 _"It is."_

 **"Let's take our time, to say what we want. Use what we got, before it's all gone."**

 _"Do you ever wonder about the stories the constellations have? They're very interesting and it makes me wonder if they are really true." I waited for a response, but none came. It was quiet._

 _We had been laying for the last hour, talking and just having a good time. It had been...good. This date had surpassed a lot of my expectations so far._

 _"Hey, are you still awake?"_

 _I turned to look and sure enough, she had fallen asleep. I studied her this way and got the impulse to kiss her, but I stopped that urge. It was a bad one to have right now._

 _I turned over onto my stomach and relaxed my body. A small nap wouldn't hurt... I tried to keep my eyes open for as long as I could before they started to droop and close on their own._

 _I don't know how long it had been, but when I noticed that it was day again, I knew we had spent the night asleep on the field. I woke up cuddled into her arms, tightly wrapped up in them and her legs tangled with mine._

 _How did I end up here? I could have sworn I had been laying on my stomach last night and I didn't move around in my sleep._

 _I didn't get much of a chance to continue contemplating how I had gotten there as I felt cold water being sprayed over us. I shrieked from the shock of the water hitting my body which made her wake up in the process. She scrambled out of the line of fire with me right behind her._

 _My hair was dripping wet and so were my clothes. I got the brunt of the water. Damn the sprinklers going off right now._

 _"Did we stay here all night?" She asked, looking around us. There was a few people at the other end of the field, running around the track._

 _"Yup," I said. "You fell asleep while we were talking and I guess I might have fallen asleep too." I ran my fingers through my wet hair, trying to get the tangles out of my hair._

 _"You look like a wet dog." She started laughing at me._

 _"Excuse you, this is all your fault. If you hadn't fallen asleep, I wouldn't have fallen asleep."_

 _"That's not my fault. I'm sure you could have woken me." She smirked and then crossed her arms._

 _I smirked back at her, ready to get back at her for me getting wet. It had not really been her fault, but I didn't mind being a goofball right now with her. "You're right. I could have woken you up." I got closer to her, slowly so she wouldn't notice. When I was within reach I pulled her and dragged her in front of a sprinkler and held on, forcing myself to get more wet in the process just to get her back._

 _She squealed in surprise and tried to get out of my grip, but I wouldn't let her. We stood there until the sprinklers stopped. We were both fully drenched at this point._

 _I started laughing out of nowhere. I just found this whole thing funny and so weird because what I had dreaded, was now one of the best dates that I had ever had in my life. So I laughed, a good laugh, being grateful it had turned out great._

 _I could hear that she started laughing a bit, but with confusion mixed in. She held onto me as I continued to laugh._

 _"Why are we laughing?" She questioned me._

 _"Because we can." I said in between my fits of laughter. "And because you look like a cat who got caught out in the rain."_

 _"Well maybe it's because of you. Ever thought of that?"_

 _"Well yeah it's my fault. Ain't gonna deny it." I continued laughing until it was starting to hurt and she joined me._

 _She walked me back to my dorm. We walked almost shoulder to shoulder. She held the basket and blanket in her hands. The blanket was almost as wet as we were._

 _We reached my dorm and I turned to face her._

 _"Thank you. I had lots of fun." I said, wringing my hands together. I was nervous all of a sudden. Did we have to kiss? Was this the part of the date where she made her move? What happened now? Did I have to make the move? I could not remember what was supposed to have on a first date._

 _"Me too. I am glad you enjoyed the date." She stated._

 _We stood there awkwardly, not sure of what to do next._

 _"So, I think I should make my way inside. Ally must be worried. I said I would call her if I stayed out and never called her." I said slowly. "Thank you. I'll be waiting for your call Sunday." I winked at her before turning around to go into my dorm room._

 _I didn't get much of a chance to turn before I was pushed up against the door and a pair of lips crashed into mine. They were soft and tasted sweet. I had to stop myself from moaning because it had caused shivers to run down my back._

 _She licked my bottom lip, trying to get me to let her in, to which, I surprisingly let her in. Her tongue pushed against mine, teasing me and tasting me. I let her take control of the kiss, letting myself enjoy it too much. It was sweet, with just the right amount of pleasure and neatness without being a big old mess._

 _Let me tell you, this kiss had me to where I would gladly let her take me to bed._

 _The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, facing upside down with two head looming above me._

 _I could have sworn I had been kissing her and not on the floor._

 _"Oh my God. I am so sorry. I heard this noise and it sounded like someone had been trying to get into the dorm, so I opened it, ready to beat them with the bat. And then I saw it was you falling down. I tried to catch you, but it didn't work out." Ally was talking super fast, shock and concern expressed on her face._

 _She reached down to pull me up, but she lost balance and ended up falling._

 _I laughed. "Good Lord Ally."_

 _The girl reached out her hand and helped me up instead. Her grip was firm and unwavering as she pulled me up. I stared at her for a few seconds as she pulled me up, I let my eyes wander down to her lips. They were slightly swollen._

 _I sighed and lightly touched my lips, remembering the feelings she made me feel when she had kissed me. Shivers, up and down my body, butterflies in my stomach..._

 _"Thanks." I said. "I guess I should get going and take a shower since you know..."_

 _She nodded her head. "Yeah, I'll call you Sunday. Bye." But she didn't let go of my hand to let me go inside the dorm room._

 _She looked me straight in the eye as she brought my hand up to her lips for a innocent kiss._

 _I felt myself blush and my hand tingled from the intensity of her stare and kiss._

 _"I'll see you soon." She dropped my hand slowly, grabbed the basket and blanket and slowly started to walk away from me._

 _I watched her as she left, watching the sway in her hips. She looked good in those jeans. They clung to her since she was still wet from me forcing her in front of the sprinkler. I crinkled my nose, laughing softly to myself._

 _I hoped she called me tomorrow._

 **"'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow."**

 _I was in the dorm room I shared with Ally, waiting for her to call. We had gone on another date that Sunday as I had suggested. Now we were on date number...I don't know. There had been so many since that first one._

 _Ally had gushed when she saw that she caught us that morning kissing when she had opened the door. She had made me give her all the details and had encouraged me to keep going out with this girl. Which I had done, but it had been left in her court to continue it and she had._

 _I kept checking my phone, desperately awaiting her call. I wanted to so badly to hear her voice. I had grown fond of it and needed to hear it before going to sleep and the first thing when waking up._

 _I half expected the phone to ring now, but instead there was a knock on the door. I groaned in annoyance since it was not what I had wanted._

 _I growled before opening the door, ready to rip a new one to whoever it was behind the door._

 _When I opened it, I was surprised._

 _"Hey!" I exclaimed in my surprise before she crashed her lips to mine. I let her kiss me and leave me breathless just a few seconds later when she pulled away._

 _She held her head against mine, slowly letting out a breath._

 _"I hope you don't mind that I came in person instead of calling you. I just missed you so much and I wanted to take you on another date. I hope that's okay. But if it's not, I understand. Thinking of it now, I don't know if you had other plans for the day. I should have called you first." She rambled on._

 _It was so damn cute the way she slightly frowned and pouted at the same time. She was pensive, over thinking her spur of the moment decision._

 _"I have no plans for the evening. So stop over thinking your surprise on me."_

 _I kissed her softly, and pulled away to lick my lips. I kissed her again, enjoying the kisses a little too much. They were addicting._

 _"Thank God. I was starting to think that I had jumped the gun."_

 _I gave her a crooked smile. She was just so damn cute._

 _"You're cute, you know that?" I pulled away from her a little bit so I could drag her into the room and close the door._

 _Ally was out for the day, Troy back in town. Knowing her, she was probably getting her brains fucked out of her. She had been so persistent on getting information and details out of me, but I hadn't had sex with her yet. I wasn't very helpful for her addiction. Anyway, she would probably be there for the rest of the week and the weekend. So we had the room to ourselves._

 _"Where's Ally?" She asked looking around the room for my roommate._

 _"Probably getting fucked or punishing Troy for being out of town so long and leaving her high and dry with no sex. Either way, she is getting some."_

 _"Ew. Too much information, babe. I so did not need to know what she was doing, let alone how kinky she is."_

 _I had been on my way to sit on my bed when she had said that. I stopped in my tracks and looked at her._

 _"Babe?" I questioned her, raising my eyebrow._

 _"Oh my God. Sorry. It just came out of my mouth faster than diarrhea. I couldn't stop it." She freaked out on me._

 _"Okay, now you're being gross saying diarrhea." I crinkled my nose in fake disgust. Then I smiled at her. "It's okay. I didn't mind it. It just caught me off guard."_

 _"Are you sure?"_

 _"Yea." I said, giving her a reassuring smile._

 _"Well, if you're saying that, then can I ask you something?"_

 _"Sure." I made myself comfortable on the bed. I sat criss cross and looked at her waiting for her question._

 _"Um, so we have been dating for quite a bit now and I really enjoy the time we get to spend together. I forgot how nice it was to date someone continuously. And, well, will you be my girlfriend?" She asked nervously. She looked away from me and looked at everything but me._

 _I smiled. Sure, I had been skeptical at the beginning because she seemed just like my ex, but as she took me out and showed me that she wanted to try with me, my worries vanished and I got 'told you so's' from my momma and Ally._

 _I could see myself being with her and who knows where that would take us, but I didn't want to lose out on an opportunity with her. I didn't want to lose out on memories that I could keep for the rest of my life._

 _"Come here," I whispered, using my index finger to call her over._

 _She came over, her posture timid and shy._

 _I pulled her down, on top of me, kissing the fuck out of her. I forced my way into her mouth, ravishing her tongue with mine. She moaned loudly. I could feel the vibration of the moan in my whole body. It was delicious the shivers it caused to go up and down my spine._

 _I trapped one of her legs between mine and held her close as I deepened the kiss. She tangled her hands into my hair, playing with several strands of hair._

 _I moaned when her tongue starting fighting back against mine. She just knew how to kiss, with the right amount of pressure and the right amount of force._

 _I pulled away from her when I knew I would die if I did not get some air in my lungs._

 _I kissed her forehead softly._

 _"Yes," I whispered into her ear._

 _She shivered and moaned because my leg had hit her core._

 _I didn't mean to, but honestly we had all all this sexual tension built up between us. Our make out sessions had not helped the issue, only made it worse and since we were making it official, I think it was time to relieve some of that tension._

 _I put a little more pressure into her core and she hissed into my ear._

 _"If you don't want me to take you here and now, you need to stop what you're doing because I am about to lose control."_

 _"Then take me, baby. Take me for all I am because I cannot take this tension no more and I need some release. My core has been throbbing for weeks non stop, whether you're around or not. I cannot stop thinking of what your mouth can do or how deep your fingers will go..." I said my voice low and seductive._

 _She had me wet constantly and I had been thinking non stop of how well her tongue would be if she kissed my other lips with it. Or how long her fingers were and how deep they would go inside me. I was horny as fuck and all I wanted was her to fill me up, one way or another._

 _"Fuck."_

 _She crashed her lips to mine for the millionth time, but every time was like the first time. It just felt so good whenever she would start off and then slowly work me into a frenzy with her tongue dancing against mine._

 _She mimicked the movement of her tongue going in and out of me and I could not hold back a moan._

 _"Baby," I pleaded, my voice cracking a little from how aroused I was. "I need you and I have been craving you to be somewhere else but kissing me right now. Please."_

 _She kissed the space in between my shoulder and collarbone._

 _"Tell me what you want," she said seductively as she trailed kisses down to my neck._

 _"I want.." I gasped as she started sucking on my neck, heightening my pleasure and getting me a little wetter._

 _"Tell me or I am going to stop."_

 _"I want your tongue, deep inside me, fucking me hard and my wetness covering your face." I panted out as she continued to suck and nip along my neck._

 _I knew the moment she would touch me in any form down there, I could be coming hard and fast. That's how turned on I was right now._

 _"Your wish is my command." She kissed me for a few more minutes before she started slipping off my shirt and then my bra._

 _She stopped for a moment and stared at me._

 _She made me feel self-concious and I covered myself with my arms._

 _She took them into hers and placed them on either side of my head, pinning them down._

 _"Don't you dare cover yourself. You're too beautiful, more beautiful than I expected. If I could draw, I would be asking you to get naked and pose for me every day just so I could learn to draw every curve, every freckle and every single thing about you. And I haven't even seen all of you yet."_

 _She had admiration in those bright eyes of hers and I could tell she was not lying to me. She truly meant what she had just said to me and it gave me a boost of confidence._

 _She leaned down to place a simple kiss in between my breasts. I squirmed a little, the gesture not helping the urge for her to hurry._

 _She kissed her way over to one breast and slowly closed her mouth over it. She sucked it and I squirmed even more, it was just too much for me._

 _"So beautiful," she murmured against my skin as she trailed kisses to my other breast, before taking it into to her mouth. I arched into her, pushing my breast further into her mouth, making the pleasure last a little longer._

 _"Good Lord woman, your moans...you've got me on a high with them. Do you think I could get you to moan my name tonight?" She whispered against my skin, the heat of her breath tickling me in a whole new way. She trailed small sloppy kisses down my stomach, no hitch in her plan._

 _I didn't answer her because I knew I would. It was inevitable and would be hard to avoid since we had gone past the point of no return on this._

 _I gripped a few strands of her hair, as she got closer to my core, where I was soaked through. I moaned, thinking and anticipating her next move and how it would affect me. I don't think I could get wetter than this. I had soaked through my jeans and it had spread to my bed. Any more teasing and I would be a leaky faucet, that she would not be able to turn off so easily._

 _This had been building up for the last few weeks with our dates. She turned me on so much with the way she spoke and the way she wanted what I wanted. It didn't hurt that she was so stunning. So ethereal and exquisite to look at. She was made to be a Goddess amongst the stars, not amongst us mere mortals._

 _On our dates I had caught a few girls staring at her and some had been sneering at me. I assumed they were jealous and maybe some had been ex-one night stands, but I could not be sure as I had never inquired about her past relationships._

 _But either way, the tension had been there since day one, brewing slowly and surely until it would explode and cause us to give into the need, was ready to be conquered and controlled._

 _There was no way to not give in when all the signs were there that this was no joke. She had been veracious since day one, so why not just dive into it with her? There was nothing to suggest that this was all a sham. I was not expecting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and say I had been Punk'd. This was not TV._

 _This was real life and it was calling me to enjoy it before it was too late. So why not enjoy as this statuesque woman filled me with her tongue and her long, slender fingers? There was nothing to stop me now._

 **"So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna hold you, like I'm saying goodbye. Wherever we're standing, I won't take you for granted. Because we'll never know it, when we'll run out of time."**

 _"Is this thing on? Hello?" I could hear her tapping on the camera to make sure it was one._

 _We decided that we didn't have much time together, so she would record some videos for the future kids._

 _"Babe, seriously? It's a camera in a Mac computer. It's not that hard to handle. The screen shows you that it is on." I laughed at her silly antics._

 _"I know, I am just being silly for the sake of it. Might as well make use of these recordings, not just for them, but for you as well."_

 _She leaned over and kissed the top of my head._

 _"Well then. I don't know how to really explain this or how to express how sorry I am not to be there with you guys today. I wish we could have had more time, but if this is all I am allotted, then this is what I give you to keep me alive."_

 _She turned to me and made a quick silly face._

 _"I want you to know, both of you, that I love you and I have loved you even before your mommy and I decided to have you. The specifics aren't necessary, but I know one of you will look like me and another like your debonair mom."_

 _"Babe. Really? They probably won't know what that word means when they see this video."_

 _"So? Live a little, will ya? I'm on a time crunch with this video and with life."_

 _"Don't pull that out again. You can't keep using that as an excuse."_

 _"But it's a very good excuse and my only one that you will listen to."_

 _I sighed at her. She was right, she was always right. God this woman made me want to kiss her and be mad at her at the same time. What a combination._

 _"Anyway, as I was saying, I love you guys, with all my heart and I will be watching over you from wherever I may be. You will be my hopes and dreams of what I wanted in this life. Take care of your mom for me. Make sure she doesn't forget to smile and that she remembers to feed Jake if he's still around. Give her lots of love from me and remind her to not be sad when the anniversary of my death comes around._

 _"Because I will always be in your hearts. I will be in the air you breathe in and the blood that flows through your veins. I will there on your darkest days and on the brightest days. No matter what happens, look forward and never regret anything you do. Life is made for you to mess up and learn from it. Take it from your momma and me. We have lived life to the fullest and not looked back once."_

 **"So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you."**

Today I had to make the decision she had forced me to make. Today I had to decide to take her off life support and end her life, because she had made me promise to not keep her tied to machines if she became brain dead.

It was not a decision she made lightly, but because of the circumstances, things had to be done and they had to be done within an appropriate timeline. There was no room to cry and bitch and complain about it. The time had come for it to happen and we all had to accept it and move on.

Ally, Normani and Dinah, were none too happy about her decision, but there was nothing they could do. I was the only one with the power of attorney and yes, I could prolong it, but what for? What satisfaction would I get if I kept her hooked up to monitors for the rest of her life, knowing she would never wake up, she would never be my babe. She would just be a dead body being kept alive by monitors, ventilators and tubes. There was nothing humane about that choice.

It pained me, it pained me too much to do it. I couldn't breath thinking about it. My heart was in pieces and would be lying in her grave as her human body decomposed in the grave. But she would be free, she would be alive in another way and throughout the years to come.

I looked at each woman who stood me with me on stage and I knew, this life would never be the same.

 **"So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna hold you, like I'm saying goodbye. Wherever we're standing, I won't take you for granted. Because we'll never know it, when we'll run out of time. So I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you. I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you."**

There was no way to reverse time, but there was no need. I had gotten all the memories I was going to get from her. There was nothing I could do and there was nothing that could be done to change that. I just had to accept the fact that we had lived every moment to the fullest with her.

I looked to the crowd as I finished the song. I wanted to break down, to just let it all lose right here, but I couldn't just yet, not in front of this crowd assembled tonight. Once I was behind stage, that was a different story. I didn't care whether they saw me cry or not. I had the right to cry.

"Thank you guys," I spoke into the mic. " I hope you enjoyed this song. It was all last minute to sing it and we all scrambled to learn it just a few minutes before the concert."

I turned to look at Ally, then Dinah and finally Normani.

"I know you're probably wondering where the fifth part of Fifth Harmony is. I know many may of heard the rumors which were never confirmed by any of us. But I don't think we have a choice anymore. It has to be confirmed and we would like to confirm it to you guys personally because we know it is what she would have wanted. She was always for the fans."

I swallowed the lump that had been growing in my throat, wishing none of this was true, but it had happened.

"We are sorry to say that she slipped into a coma last week, before the start of the tour and the doctor's said that she had no brain activity during this time. She has been fighting Leukemia for the past two years, but it got worse and there's nothing else they can do."

Cries and sobs could be heard throughout the auditorium. Everyone was in shock to what I had spoken. We had all tried hard to keep it as quiet as possible so as not to have too many people bugging her.

Some of the fans seemed to be screaming in shock. This was more than I had expected.

I wanted to join them, but I couldn't, not just yet.

I turned to Ally, for her to continue talking for me as I could not get rid of the golf-size lump in my throat.

She nodded at me, understanding my eye contact with her. She cleared her throat and brushed a few tears out of her eyes.

"We ask all of you to remember her in spirit and send out prayers to her family. They will need it tonight. She will be missed by all of us. Not just only those of us that knew her personally, but everyone she touched through our music and the message we wanted to put out there to all of you."

I saw Dinah walk forward from the corner of my eye. She spoke next. I'm sure it was to calm herself and give Ally a break from talking. It was hard to talk when we all knew that tonight was the last night she would be alive.

"The shows for the next two weeks will be canceled. We are sorry about this. We know many of you are going to be disappointed, but we are already fixing it so all of you that have purchased tickets to these concerts get to one close by and transportation will be provided. It was what she would have wanted." She finished and I saw her turn quickly as the tears started to fall.

She walked off the stage and exit to backstage. I knew Dinah and Normani had been pretty close with her since before we had started dating. I knew this had to be devastating to them just as much.

"We love you guys. Thank you for having us tonight. We hope you enjoyed the concert." Normani said last as we all trudged off the stage and into backstage.

I couldn't hold it no more and I dropped to my knees, sobs shuddering violently through my body.

It was my call to pull the plug on the life support they had her on. She had left it up to me to decide when it was her time to go. I had not wanted to, but she had insisted and even made me promise that if after a week there was no change or she became a vegetable, to pull the plug no matter what. I had no choice but to give into her request.

One of the girls grabbed me, trying to sooth me from the horrible sobs that wouldn't stop pouring out me.

I was losing my one true love and even knowing I would carry our memories forever with me, it would not settle me down. I would not get over this loss for a long time and it would take awhile for me to say that I loved her as I was going to lose her and our memories were more than enough til I saw her again.

That day would come, but not now.

"It's okay, please don't cry. She's in a better place now and she will not be hurting no more. She's pain free, no more Leukemia, no more doctor visits. She is free to do whatever she wants now. And knowing her, she is probably right here with us, she will always be with us."

Dinah was the one who held me.

"There was never no doubt that she loved you and she will never stop, even after death."

"It doesn't change the fact that I have to be the one to make the call to end her life."

"I know." She kissed my forehead softly. "But the rest of us are not strong enough to do it. I could not even begin to fathom the strength and courage you have to do this. I think it is one of the reasons she fell for you, for your courage and strength that you displayed."

"You think so?" I questioned her, finally quieting my sobs to be able to breathe a little.

"I know so."

 _"When we first met, I honestly was not sure to think. There was this gorgeous girl standing in front of me, with the greenest eyes I had ever seen and she was looking at me. She was ravishing and I felt like a mere mortal next to her. Then when I heard her sing, I knew that there would be no way in hell or in heaven I would find myself caught dead in a room, alone with this girl. She had a one track mind that night, and I would end up as part of her conquests._

 _"But as always, our dear Ally," I looked at Ally and she laughed, "had to butt in and try to be a matchmaker. That is how we had met. Ally had gotten together with Dinah and Normani to set us up to sing together at Cal's Karaoke night. Anyway, Ally and my mom convinced me to go on a date with this gorgeous woman. And the rest is history as you see._

 _"I gave myself to her, mind, body and soul." I said, having spoken to everyone gathered. I turned to look at her now. "Everything I am, is yours and everything you are is ours. If there is anything to show, it's the past few years that we have been lucky to have. I will never stop trying to live every moment like it is our last. I will never stop trying to figure you out. I will never stop trying to find more ways to love you, no matter what. You, me, here, right now."_

 _She had tears running down her face. I reached over and wiped them away._

 _"It'll always be you, me, here, right now. That will never change until it is our time to go. And I will never forget our memories, no matter how short the time is. My love will not fade because of death, it'll only grow stronger so it can reach wherever you go. Our love will be endless."_

 _We got the news yesterday that she only had a few months to live and we decided we would live them to the fullest, starting by going through with the wedding._

 _"Do you take Lauren Michelle Jauregui to be your lawful wedded wife?"_

 _I looked at her, all dressed up in white, a beaming smile on her face now, as the minister asked that question._

 _"I do," I stated, no hesitation in my voice. It was calm and controlled. This was it, this is what I had aimed for and now we were here. I couldn't find myself happier to be marrying this woman._

 _She was my soulmate. She made me better as a whole. I couldn't imagine life without her now. Not after the scare she gave us all._

 _A few months ago she had been diagnosed with Leukemia. Her chances weren't great and she had a survival rate of 25 %. The doctors had her on all kinds of medication and she had chemo every two weeks to help kill it._

 _She had gotten sick, caught a cold from me on accident and since her immune system was in shreds, she had caught it quick. The doctors had caught it almost as soon as I had seen the symptoms. Unfortunately she had fallen into a coma during her stay at the hospital and that had caused me to ask her to marry her while she had been in the coma, afraid that I had lost my chance and that was the end of us._

 _When she finally came out of it, she had just said yes. I didn't know she had been answering my question, but when I did realize, we had wasted no time in getting things in motion. So here we were, getting married in front of both our families and friends. The girls were our bridesmaids._

 _"Lauren, do you take Karla Camila Cabello to be your lawful wedded wife?"_

 _"I do," she said. It was almost a whisper, but I knew why she couldn't speak more than a whisper at the moment. She was getting choked up, knowing that the next part would have us married._

 _"I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may now kiss the bride."_

"Lauren, my dear sweet Lauren. I wish there was more that could have been done in our time together. I wish we had met sooner. But there is nothing to do that can be done. All there is left is to fulfill your last wish to me and that is to sign the papers to remove you from life support."

I held the papers in my hand, requiring my last signature on them for the nurse to remove the tubes and ventilators keeping her alive. There was no more brain activity, no more of the woman I had fallen in love with. It was just skin and bones lying in a bed.

I had to think of her like that because I knew this was not her, just the shell of the woman that she used to be. If I didn't, I would break down again or worse, puke it out all over her.

Her hands were still somewhat warm, not as cold as I had anticipated. I carefully slipped her ring off her finger and placed it with mine, fitting together perfectly. Just like we had.

With a heavy heart, I signed the papers. My heart broke, something that would be irreparable. Time would ease it, but it would never be same until we saw each other again.

 _"Where do you think we go after we die? Do we just die or do we go to heaven and hell?" She asked me, taking me into her arms._

 _"Well I know where you're going. There's only one place for angels." I said, knowing that she was my angel._

 _She laughed. "Babe, I am no angel. Do you even remember what I always start? I don't think that was something an angel would do."_

 _"Mm, this is true, but you're still a saint in my book. Angels go to heaven." I bit my lip, not wanting to think of the little time we had left._

 _"Well if I have a choice in it, I want to be watching over you for the rest of your life here. I never want to leave your side and be there with you while you have our kids, while you find some comfort in someone new. I want to be part of your strength, your courage on a bad day. I don't want to leave your side ever. I love you Camz. Always and forever."_

 _She pulled me in close, holding me tight in her arms, the arms where I wanted to die in when I was 80 years old. Where we had lived a full life, with no interruptions, no worries._

 _"Don't you ever forget me, Camila. I live in your heart, your mind, your body and your soul. This will be my new home for as long as you live. Our love will never fade as long as you remember that."_

 _She kissed me gently on the cheek, cuddling further into me._

 _Her words rang in my ear still. They were as loud as church bells. I would never forget, never. They would be etched evermore into my heart, mind, body and soul._


End file.
